BLACK PANTHER: EPISODE ONE

This show is a distillation of everything I could possibly love in hopelessly misguided and one-note entertainment. It is flagrantly racist, mind-bogglingly stupid, and an incomprehensible mess of pointless ideas. To boot, it is animated like a show for three-year-olds, complete with shoddy, stilted dialogue read by people who probably could have been doing a million better projects.

Needless to say, I cannot get enough of this show. Hell, I could watch the opening video endlessly:

Keep in mind, the opening is about 87% of the animation you will see in this series. It is gloriously haphazard, jerky, and just plain lazy

Now, to truly review these episodes, I must delve into the narrative stylings of BET's animation sensation. All entries will end abruptly, much like the episodes of the show themselves, and they will kind of meander a bit. Each episode is only eleven minutes long, so it is not like I have anything near of a deep enough well to draw from.

But first, some stats.

Number of unnatural pauses: 3
Number of times Black Panther/Wakanda proves everyone in the world is a chump: 3
Most racist line: "Who are these savages to have a no-fly zone anyway? What? Are they going to chuck spears at us?"
Number of racist lines not about Wakandans: 2

So, this episode opens up with a flashback to Wakanda in the past. We know it is in the past because they straight up stole the font from Jurassic Park. Some jerks dressed up like Kamala: The Ugandan Headhunter, only thinner are really getting pumped to attack Wakanda. They so wanna show up them jerks. They make lame jokes that take forever to get delivered because of the horrible animation.

Suddenly, dudes start getting eviscerated by spikes and then spears blot out the sun in a total rip-off of 300 and they all die except for one dude who gets yelled at by the Black Panther to tell everyone about what happened. This show is ultra-violent, but it is so terribly animated that it actually makes it worse, somehow.

We are now in the present day and a strong, professional black woman is talking to generals about Wakanda in the white house. This is where the shit gets real because we meet racist general Stan Lee. Yes, that's right folks. Your good ol' pal Stan Lee plays the most ridiculously racist character in all of media. He slams Wakanda and the French and pretty much everyone for a few minutes, until we get a slide show to show us how boss Wakanda is.

This leads to a flashback where the Black Panther kills Nazis and fights Captain America, who acts like the biggest doofus ever.