Thursday, September 1, 2011
BLACK PANTHER: EPISODE EIGHT
This episode, man.
Riding on the high of poop jokes and evil dictators, the first thing we see is a somber, praying Black Knight. He is kneeling, head on his sword, the whole shebang. He clearly takes his praying seriously. However, he is in the hilariously named Niganda, so you kind of lose any and all power when the font that labels everything on Isla Nublar is used to promote a fictional African country named Niganda.
I will never get over that name,
Anyway, Klaw saunters up and ruins this moment by asking the Black Knight to give a wicked rad speech to make his troops murder Wakandans but good. Black Knight then goes on a spiel about loving Jesus and asking if Klaw loves Jesus too and Klaw totally lies.
We then have the most ridiculous aping of the St. Crispin's Day speech of all time, complete with Juggernaut talking about murderin' for Jesus and Batroc being French and dismissive and snooty about the whole dealio. Batroc is the hipster of the group. I hate hipsters. Especially French assassin hipsters.
After the speech, we watch T'Challa hallucinate about being chewed up and spit out by a giant white panther. I am trying to find the symbolism here, but I just can't quite put my finger on it. In said dream, after being broken into pieces, his foxy bodyguards put him back together.
The same bodyguards that have not been seen outside of the opening.
Fuckin' A right I was gonna get it in this entry. I bet you thought I would cop out and just tack it on the end, didn't you?
I ain't play that game.
So, after waking up from his totally not symbolic dream, T'Challa runs down to the war room where things are going nuts.
This leads to the ridiculous Juggernaut charging through Wakanda sequence. Now, I said before his animation was shit, but man when they are building him up as a force to be reckoned with yet his movements looks as if a man with no arms on a Jazzy could lap him, the disconnect is delightfully hilarious.
As Juggernaut slowly plows through buildings, the Black Knight takes to the skies and trash talks heathen Wakandans as he cuts their planes in half while riding on his flying horse. Dude just cannot stand no pagans who don't even have a milliliter of the Holy Spirit in 'em.
And while that is going on, the Radioactive Man shoots himself in a missile and lands in the vibranium mines. Shuri is there, and some dude says he's gonna protect her with his big wrench. Radioactive Man melts this dude's face off.
Since everything is going to hell, T'Challa calls the evil Unbutu, the dictator from the previous episode and threatens to decapitate him. Unbutu mentions Klaw.
The Black Panther punches a television.